We began by asking what joy actually is. One woman described it as smiling to yourself because you are doing what you were meant to do. Another said happiness is a state, but joy is an energy: sometimes a kapow, sometimes pink fluffy cosiness. Someone else noticed that saying things out loud to others makes them more real.

We defined leadership widely: leading a team, a family, a day, or simply yourself. Think of geese flying in formation. The leader is not always at the front, and every position matters.

Jo Kaye led us through a hot air balloon exercise, listing what lifts us and what weighs us down. The helium was walks, singing, swimming, baking, good sleep and the right people. The sandbags were the laundry, reports nobody reads, other people’s negativity, and above all the “shoulds” and comparison. The insight that landed was that attitude often matters more than the activity. Even a sandbag can ground us.

We shared practices too: noticing glimmers, the tiny moments that tell our nervous system we are safe; turning a morning run into a search for beauty; letting the autumn leaves remind us that hard things change too. And remembering that the living happens on the climb, not at the summit.

Everyone left with a decision. Mine was to work at ending comparison.

Leading From Within, our next cohort, starts on 3 November, and places close on Friday 23 October. Our spring cohort begins in late April 2027. If either feels right, get in touch for a chat. We would love to hear from you.

The post Joy is a decision appeared first on She Leads Change.

Ask “why isn’t this working?” and it will hand you a long list of reasons, all of them convincing and none of them helpful. Ask “what am I doing wrong?” and it will find evidence for you. Most of us have been asking ourselves questions like that for years, and then we wonder why we feel stuck.

At our latest She Leads Change taster, “Asking the right questions”, we did something different. We stopped reaching for the clever question, the one that sounds good in an appraisal or impresses a board. Instead we asked the question our heart needs to hear.

What we did

We checked in with pictures rather than “how are you?”, because a different question gets a different answer. Jo Kaye led a short visualisation, letting one question drop like a pebble into a still lake: why am I here? We let the first, polite answer pass and waited to see what came up underneath.

Then we worked in threes. One woman spoke. One reflected back exactly what she heard, her words and not ours. One simply noted the questions that came to her and offered them at the end.

It sounds simple. It is not, because most of us are rarely listened to like that.

What happened

One participant said hearing her own words reflected back “turned a feeling into a fact”. She had been carrying something vague and heavy, and once she heard it said aloud it became something she could work with.

Another noticed she was listening for what was not being said. That changed which questions she found to ask.

And one question stopped the room: “If all the barriers were removed, what would you do first?” It got us talking about how many of our barriers are ones we built ourselves, often so long ago that we have forgotten they are there.

Why this matters for women who lead

Women are rarely short of answers. We spend our days solving problems for teams, organisations and families. What we often lack is the space to ask ourselves a better question, and someone to listen while we find the answer.

That is not a luxury. When we keep asking ourselves the wrong questions, we lead from depletion and doubt, and the people around us feel it. Ask better ones and we lead from clarity.

My own question from the evening was about having the courage to be imperfect, and to run with it anyway. I am still sitting with it.

This is what Leading From Within is for

Our next cohort starts on 3 November. It is built on exactly this: space, deep listening and better questions, alongside women who understand what you are carrying. If you are ready to stop circling and start leading from what you know, I would love to talk. Get in touch for a short chat about whether it is right for you.

Before then, join us for “Finding joy as a leader” on Wednesday 21 October, 12:00 to 13:00, with Jo Kaye and Ana Mundim.

And this week, try asking yourself one new question: what would make this really good?

The post The question you ask yourself is running your life appeared first on She Leads Change.

We started with a picture. A fish, the water it swims in, the bowl that holds the water, and whatever lies beyond the bowl. It’s a simple image, but it does a lot of work. So much of how we lead is shaped by the water around us: the expectations, the habits, the unspoken rules of the places we work and live. And because we swim in it every day, it is very easy not to see it at all.

Donella Meadows, who spent her life thinking about systems, describes a system as “an interconnected set of elements, coherently organised, to achieve something”. I find that comforting. If a system is organised, it can be understood. And if it can be understood, it can be influenced.

What have you picked up along the way?

The question that stayed with us most came from Neha, one of our co-facilitators: what have you internalised from the systems you operate in, and what is genuinely yours?

As we talked, a pattern emerged. Many of us had quietly taken on jobs nobody had asked us to do. Smoothing the friction where teams or systems overlap. Holding things together at home and at work. Keeping things running simply so that they keep running.

That last one was mine. I noticed how much of my energy goes into maintaining things, without stopping to ask whether they still serve what I care about.

Systems are people too

Someone else noticed something I keep coming back to. We often think of systems as structures: rules, processes, reporting lines. But systems are also people and relationships. Which means that when something feels stuck, there is usually someone to talk to.

That shift matters. A structure can feel immovable. A relationship is something you can do something with.

Where is your influence?

In small groups, we each looked for one place of influence and one small next step. Sometimes the step was starting something new. Just as often, it was stopping something. A conversation in place of a complaint. Reconnecting with why we do what we do. Leaving a little more space between commitments.

None of these are grand gestures. But they are the kind of small, deliberate moves that change how a system feels from the inside.

We watched Marge Piercy’s poem “The Low Road”, which turns on a line that feels like the heart of this work: “It starts when you say we.”

Why this matters

This is the kind of thinking at the centre of Leading From Within, our seven-session programme for women leaders. It isn’t about learning to fit more neatly into the systems we are in. It’s about seeing them clearly, knowing what is yours to carry, and finding where you can make a difference, alongside other women doing the same.

Our next cohort begins on 3 November.

If you’d like a taste first, join us for one of our last two free taster sessions:

• Tuesday 13 October, 18:00: Asking the right questions
• Wednesday 21 October, 12:00: Finding joy as a leader

You can book at https://portal.sheleadschange.org/events/slctaster26

And if you’d like to explore the ideas behind the session, these resources informed our thinking:

• Donella Meadows, Leverage Points: Places to Intervene in a System
• The multi-level perspective, developed by Frank Geels
• The Three Horizons model, developed by Bill Sharpe at the International Futures Forum

What is one thing you’ve been carrying that might not be yours?

The post What’s really yours to carry? appeared first on She Leads Change.

That September feeling was the theme for this week’s Gathering Space: fresh starts, whether or not anyone in your house is actually going back to school. Many of us prefer this start to the new year January feeling.

People arrived busy. Juggling conflicting priorities, tired from the general effort of holding it all together, and genuinely looking forward to an hour that was just theirs. Not to add another task to the list. To recharge, and to refocus.

We spent a lot of the hour on “why”. Not the big, aspirational kind of why, but the specific kind: why does each of your current priorities actually matter to you, and what do you need in order to meet it. It is a different question to “what is on my list”, and a far more useful one. A list tells you what to do. A why tells you whether it is worth doing, and what you need from yourself to get there.

We also talked, honestly, about the guilt that shows up when you put yourself first. The sense that looking after yourself, even something as ordinary as going for a run, is somehow selfish. What came through clearly in the room is that it is not. When you back yourself, even in a small way, the effect ripples outward. To your family. To the people you lead. To the people around you. It becomes bigger than the thing itself.

Investing in yourself is not an indulgence you have to justify. And being accountable for the change you want, rather than waiting for it to arrive, is what actually moves things. Being in the driving seat, not the passenger seat, of your own life.

Partway through, I read “The Invitation” by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. If you do not know it, it is worth five minutes of your time, and you can read it on her own page here: http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/
It asks what actually matters, not your job title or your CV, and it is a poem I keep coming back to for exactly that reason.

If a space like this sounds like something you would find useful, we have taster sessions running throughout September and October, open to anyone in or curious about the She Leads Change community. You can see what is coming up and register here: bejourney.app/events/slctaster26

And if you are ready for something deeper, Leading From Within, our flagship leadership programme, starts on 3 November. There are still spaces. Get in touch for a 20-minute chat about whether it is right for you, or email lead@sheleadschange.org if you would rather just find out more first.

The post Fresh starts don’t need a school bell appeared first on She Leads Change.

I had a dip into overwhelm, overthinking everything I wanted to do, the familiar cycle of making plans and then finding reasons they wouldn’t work. Then some quality time with the kids, a proper reprioritisation, making sure we were all fed, and a good conversation with a friend and colleague, someone who could see what actually needed doing when I couldn’t.

Come think this through with us

We’re running free taster sessions for She Leads Change between now and November, an hour, no pressure, just space to properly think about what matters and find strategies that work for you, while getting a feel for how we do things. First one’s Thursday 17 September at 12:00, on balancing priorities when life wobbles. If you’re curious, join us:

I don’t have the secret to keeping priorities on track when life throws a wobble. But I do know this: finding your way back, and thinking it through with people who resonate, is what actually works.

That’s exactly what Thursday’s session is for. And if you already know Leading From Within, our flagship leadership programme, is where you’re headed, you don’t need to wait for a taster to say yes, the next cohort opens 3 November, and you can apply now

Hope to connect with you soon

Sula

The post What do you do when plans change unexpectedly? appeared first on She Leads Change.

One of my annual traditions is to set myself an ‘inquiry’ for each year. This is a guiding question that I use to learn my way into the life I’d like to lead.

It is inspired by Rilkes letters to a young man where he said:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves…Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

This year I have a GINORMOUS question – my inquiry is ‘how do I continue to come home to myself?’

For me, this inquiry is an opportunity to rest into who I am and what I really want from 2023 and beyond… To locate my own path within and outside of the many shoulds and musts, away from all the voices telling me who I am and how to live. It is about finding space to reconnect with my own voice and return to my own dreams and desires…

I want to gather any fragmented pieces of myself lost after disappointment and trauma. I’m keen to learn how to create better boundaries and to know whats me and whats them. Its an inquiry about making peace with all the dreams that didn’t come true – and for those that did and weren’t actually mine. It is to find clarity on purpose in a world on fire. To ask and answer ‘what is mine to do’.

I want to continue to come home to that small voice within that helps me live this question into a future that is truly mine.

There is a beautiful poem by Derek Walcott called love after love that expresses the feeling I want ot hold in this inquiry…

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

If you felt an inner tug on any of that, or a big ‘yes, please – me too’ – if you’re holding any questions on how to navigate this year from an authentic place – if you want peace outside of all the noise and inside of your own possibilities… perhaps you’d like to join me?

I am looking for fellow travellers on this journey of inquiry into 2023. for people who want to come on a limited 4 month programme with me and others to explore their related inquiry.

We will draw on the wisdom of one another, the learning from 5years of she leads change and the world around us and perhaps find beautiful ways to live into meaningful answers.

Keen?

Send me a note with your motivation and I’ll send you more details.

May you have a truly beautiful year. May you find meaningful ways – your way – to lead change.

With love…Nic xx

That’s a deep inquiry made up of lots of other questions – questions like –
How can I create space away from the many musts and should to hear my inner voice more clearly?
How can I learn to trust that voice in the decisions I make and the tricky things I navigate?
How do I reclaim the pieces of me I’ve lost after trauma and bring them home?
Where do they fit into an authentic vision for my best future?
What is mine to do in the world?
How can I serve others and the world and still keep myself centred?

Does this resonate with you? Perhaps not exactly – but perhaps in certain parts you feel an inner ‘yes – me too?’

The post Coming home to myself…an invitation. appeared first on She Leads Change.

We believe every woman should access the ability to boost her confidence, capability and connection to lead and reserve 30% of our places as bursaries for change-makers.  Click here if you’d like to find out more about our change-maker awards.

One of our recent graduates said:

“I felt this programme provided a safe, practical space to explore what already exists within us and how to tap into that. I think a little more heart in leadership is needed and I really learned how to:

 lead – both myself and others
 explore and affirm my own values
 develop my learning and coaching abilities
 strengthen my resilience and courage
 network within a supportive, diverse community of change-makers

We have a series of taster sessions coming up ahead of next programme. If you’d like to discover more about us – or know a brilliant woman who would – click here to book a spot!

Now, more than ever, we need to stay connected and encourage each other to step forward as bold, authentic leaders.  Come and reconnect with us on Tuesday 6th September from 5-6.30pm.  Our graduating cohort has a beautiful Community Session planned.  We’d love to see you there – please join us?

Reserve your place here.

As always, we’d love to hear from you…if you’d like to find out more about what we do, who we are – or how we can help you or your organisation grow the leaders the world needs now, drop us a line.  Let’s chat!

The post Let’s reconnect? appeared first on She Leads Change.

I just love these beautiful gifts our current Leading From Within cohort shared following their session on RESILIENCE. I hope they give you a needed boost to step-up, speak out and keep moving forward. You’ve got this.

I think now, even more than ever, we need women to step forward as bold, authentic leaders and we are delighted to be connecting with so many of these change-makers in our current cohort.

Please come and meet them?

Our Community Session is Tuesday 6th of September, 5pm-6.30pm – we’d love you to come!

Do you know a woman who could benefit from the programme?

Someone who is looking to step into their full potential, find their voice and connect deeply with a diverse community. Please invite them to one of our Taster Sessions.

Are you connected to a network which could help us reach more women?

We’ve been delighted to see the way our current cohort are connecting and learning so much from each other. We want to offer this leadership development opportunity to as many people as possible. Please introduce us so that more people can hear about our programme and connect with this powerful community.

Finally, let’s connect.

Our Thinking Space takes place every Wednesday at 12pm. It’s a chance to pause, connect and be nourished. Please sign up – we’d love to see you!

I want to leave you with this powerful poem, Still I Rise by Maya Angelou. Perhaps reading this again, is something that can give you a strength this week to stand your ground, find your voice and be bold.

All our love, She Leads Change xx

The post A gift and an invitation… appeared first on She Leads Change.

“What is the change you are leading in the world?”

Our Community Session in September is an annual highlight – hosted by our most recent graduates.  It’s an opportunity to meet some of these amazing women, reconnect with old friends, make new ones and be reminded of what is possible…“What is the change you are leading in the world?” What does this question mean to you? Would YOU like to be inspired, encouraged, supported in leading YOUR change? There are a number of ways you can connect with us – sign up to our community session in September, join one of our Taster Sessions running throughout July or pop into our weekly Thinking Space to experience She Leads Change in action…We’ve missed you!  Let’s reconnect.

Come. 

Join. 

Be inspired.

The post We’ve missed you! appeared first on She Leads Change.

Included in the toolkit are ideas generated with many of you who attended our recent community session. Our next community session is on Tuesday 6th September – please diarise it as we’d love to see you there.

May these ideas, coupled with reflections from our graduates, be a useful companion to you as you step into 2022.

Download our Toolkit for Radical Self-Acceptance

You loved your She Leads Change experience! The things you learnt, the insights you had the people you met… Could you pass on the opportunity? Who else do you know who would benefit from joining a programme? We are taking applications now for our April and October cohorts.

Download here an invitation you can share – please give someone else the gift of self-knowledge, skills and community.

If you think your organisation – or colleagues – would like to discover more about how Leading From Within can help you support and sustain their leadership journeys, please share our business case study with them. Or – better yet, drop us a note of introduction!

Download our Pearson and She Leads Change 2021 Business Case Study

“I have the confidence to dream bigger, better things and to take action to realise them, a small step at a time. She Leads Change has equipped me with lots of tools to support myself and nurture and trust my own resilience.”

Here’s to radical self-acceptance for 2022 and stepping together, into a beautiful year!

Your She Leads Change team xx

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